Saturday, July 15, 2006

Love will find a way

Tonight I feel secure in my future, at least as it pertains to love.

One of my dear friends will be tying the knot next week; it's been quite a ride watching all she's gone through to get to where she is. I haven't minded being a sounding board as she has gone through her arguments, her misunderstandings, her joys ... basically everything that has led her to where she is presently. I've learned quite possibly as much about the oft-times aggravating process of meshing your life with another's as she has. I have been the supportive cheerleader, letting on that it's okay to feel what she feels and so on and so forth. I've enjoyed the role. Such has been the state of my affairs for the past couple of months.

The truth is, she is such a wonderful person that, if timing had worked out a little differently, I think I would have reached a point in my future where I, too, would have taken a chance with her. Not asking her hand in marriage, exactly, but just coaxing her into girlfriend territory versus the goodfriend territory. For me, this is big. When it comes to women and wanting to begin a relationship with one of them, my mind is usually filled with neon-colored question marks. I can never quite decide who I'd like to be with at any point in my life, so I've chosen not to choose quite often. My life has been all the calmer because of it. Still, with her, there was a point where I wanted very much to date her. She was close to my heart and still is.

I even told her so, but I didn't come to the conclusion soon enough. It happens. That whole timing thing.

I've seen many of my friends get married. It occurs so often, I sometimes think it's the result of, say, someone losing a bet or a couple of people getting really, really bored (or drunk, yes). This time, however, has been different. It's thrown me for a bit of loop and made my head spin. The closer the friend, the greater the effect. I suppose that's how it works.

What I have gleaned from this experience is that, with her, I had no question marks. I may have had them intermittently over the near-two years I've known her, but they finally disappeared. I was fully prepared to jump the single ship and sail the waters with her, eh, methaphorically speaking (and an awful methaphor at that). The optimist in me sees this as something that hasn't happened to me in a very long time (maybe ever?). It means that, if this can happen with her, it can likely happen again. I'll just know to act before someone else beats me to the punch. There is hope after all.

I don't bemoan my single existence. I rather like it, honestly. But having your heart break for a friend who may have been more someday, well, it at least gives me hope for other undiscovered lovers. Well, singular. It's like, well, once you fall in love, you learn how to speak the language a little better; you recognize how it can happen again. For me, it'll happen eventually. I've taken the long road to most things in my life, so why should a girlfriend or wife be that much different? I'm all for the adventure of it, whenever it decides to finally happen. Scratch that ... whenever I decide for it to happen.

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