Monday, October 23, 2006

Welcome to my cornocopia

It's time for one of those hodge-podge kindof blog entries. My mind is everywhere and nowhere all at once, but it's been a spell since I've actually spit anything out to the three readers in my midst, so here's some belated spit.

I went to Memphis last week. It's one of those work trips that felt like, well, half work and half road trip. I have one of the best jobs in the world. Some think I should have tired of the travelling by this point, but I say bring it on. While we were able to find time to tour Graceland, Elvis' car museum, his two planes, the house he was born in and on and on, we also got to hang out with some pretty cool distributors as well. We stayed in their Mississippi house in the middle of the woods overnight, where armadillos and wild pigs rule the roost. I marvelled at their accents and wished mine sounded as friendly -- I'd like to borrow one and put it on one day like a pair of shoes, just because. I do believe I gained some weight in the half a pig that I downed, but only because there was so much more where that came from (fried okra, green fried tomatoes, fried peanut butter 'n banana sandwich and an ill-advised Taco Bell extravaganza). The South is a good place to be. It just is.

Related and connected to that is the visit we had of Paul MacLeod's house, an experience so completely surreal, it deserves its own entry. He touts himself as the biggest Elvis fan(atic) in the world and I am inclined to believe him. We also seemed to feel like he might kill us before we completed the $5 tour of his house. Perhaps with a chainsaw. More to come on that.

My ears currently have dandruff. They've had a dreadful time the past several days. I had a mystery rash most of last week, something that caused my ears to swell up and resemble small red potatoes. My face, arms and chest just decided to resemble some kinda measles-chicken pox-hives concoction that stumped three doctors when it came time to diagnosing me. I like being original and all, but not when it comes to health-related issues. One of the doctors finally went with "bacterial infection", prescribing me some antibiotics and antihistamines, but only after taking blood, getting second and third opinions, shoving Q-Tips up my nose and shaving off some of my rash with an Exacto. But triple opinions? Does that happen all that much? I imagine him saying something akin to, "Dude, this guy's skin's pretty effed up. Bumpy skin like a topographic map, for reals. Quick, come check it out while he's still half naked!" I'm glad all I have to deal with now is ears that won't stop snowing. Burt's Bees Hand Salve works just as good on miniature sad ears like my own. Putting "Ear Salve" on the tin would sound funny, though. Possible causes are a) my dirty cell phone, b) putting my head underwater in the hot tub or c) licking the brownie batter off the beater (because, hey, raw egg, right?).

I supported my sometime trainer a couple weeks back by rooting for her at a bodybuilding competition. It felt weird to cheer her on, but when she came out in her Spandex and abs I'll never have and did her one-arm push-ups, I gave her the Arsenio arm pump and howled good and long. That was a bizarro world I still don't fully understand and likely never will. I mean, there was a 14-year-old in competition that had more defined pecs than I'll ever have. Ever. I stayed longer than I thought I would. Three hours 'o that. I left feeling much whiter and softer than ever. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Had a good first date this past weekend. Any date that includes impromptu slow dancing in a parking lot and some good long hugs has got to count for something. Makes a guy hope for the future a little bit. Not that there's nothing wrong with that.

np: Laura Cantrell -
Not the Tremblin' Kind


Anonymous said...

Don't blame the brownies... they've done nothing but show you chocolatey blendery love.

plainoldsarah said...

you want to have the accent of a pig? that's how i read it anyway. yes, i'm jealous of your traveling job.

good luck with the ears. they looked fine the other night when i saw you. must be the salve.

aisy said...

from infections to hugs... nice. my bet is a dirty hot tub.

bestsariah said...

This post makes me jealous.

Because, um, wish I had a rash. Not the other thing.

bestsariah said...

I also wish *I* had a rash, but you probably gathered that.

ZLB said...

oh man, I'm jealous you went to Memphis. although Nashville's where I really want to go. I had a date once that ended in an impromtu waltz. . . sigh.. . that was a good one. and for that rash. . .seriously try mom's stuff. it works miracles, and the Dalai Lama uses it, I'm not kidding.

Dainon said...

It turned out to be a staff infection, according to the lab this morning. Still, I would have killed for anything that would have killed the itch. If your mom's recipe had molasses in it, I would have gladly slathered it all over my body, too.


What a fun trip! ELVIS LIVES!!!!!