Thursday, May 10, 2007

Don't Hassle the Hoff.

Okay, David Hasslehoff is a drunk. We get it. And looping the video of him rolling around in burgers was pretty funny for a second, but it's boring now. The resulting frenzy has got to be the reason I had him starring in the dream I had just before waking up this morning. I don't even know what else was included beyond that, but I hope it never comes back to haunt me. I blame the media. I blame Anna Nicole Smith as well. Just make it stop. I don't dig on the Knight Rider invading my subconscious. Not one bit.

If that wasn't a weird enough way to start the day, let me reveal something else. You know how Jeff Foxworthy made a killing on his "You might be a Redneck" wisdom? I think I'll start a "You know it's time to get married when ..." Today's edition goes a little something like this: You know it's time to get married when your mom e-mails you a photograph of her unmarried childhood chum and says, "She looks great for 56, eh?"

Someone find me someone to give my last name to, and make it quick.

I can't even imagine what else will happen today. I mean, I've got a good 12 hours to go yet.

On a final note, if you're a Statler and Waldorf fan (as I am), you must read this.

10 comments:

Cindy said...

I will arrange a marriage for you when I get down there.

link

Really, someone could do a better version of this. I'm taking on the task!

sarahbellum said...

I had to attend a family wedding last night where I heard non-stop how sad it is I'm not married. Someone tried to suggest I date the father of the bride. I'll borrow your last name, I need the husband benefits.

Sarita said...

YOu know it's time to get married when your parents came back from a trip to Central America and inform you that they gave your number to this great guy that just has so much going for him.

And who is married.

And 60-something.

ewesa said...

you know it's time to get married when you find yourself flipping through bridal magazines in secret shame at the Harmons.

Hey, It's Ansley said...

As a nurse, colostomy-bag incidents are the stuff of nightmares! Very funny.

As far as the engagement thing, when it happens, don't do this.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/4/30repko.html

f*bomb. said...

That image just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Maybe you're single because you're dreaming of David Hasslehoff and not women. You can get a lot done in REM, and it sounds like mostly you're spending that time on a overweight, inebriated, attention-seeking has-been. (psst, David- call me!)

heatherlynn said...

i'm so laughing out loud at what your momma sent you...

becky said...

i love how people start thinking you should just take anyone who comes along. anyone. she's 56, but TAKE HER!

Sarita said...

I almost forgot,I was asked out on an honest to goodness date by a 60-something year old. At the temple.

Of course that was back when I was 24 or something. I'm 27 now....maybe I should give him a ring at the number he gave me (to his mother's house)....it just might work out.

bestsariah said...

A few people thought my dad was my husband this week. He's 62. That's not exactly what you're talking about, but it reminded me.