Sunday, May 20, 2007

I have a new stalker.

It's been a while since my last one. I was beginning to think I'd lost my touch. The last one was married and lived her life as a hippie librarian. This one hails from an unknown land, is prolly using a fake name and digs on being plenty mysterious. I picked her up over the weekend. She found me at the radio station. Girls love a guy behind the microphone, I guess.

Then again, from the sounds of things, she never claims to have listened to my show. Ever. And that just hurts. In fact, it's just plain rude.

i've heard things about you.
i'm spending the summer in salt lake city.
do you wanna be friends or what?

I was cool and casual in my response. And, well, a little cold. If she was e-mailing me at my station addy, she could have at least referred to me by my moniker ... Rock Pilot.

Do we know each other?

Her reply was better than mine. Her punctuation, on the other hand, was not.

of course we don't.
why would i ask you if you wanted to be friends if we already were
friends or if we'd already decided not to be friends?
if you need me to fill out some kind of prospective friend
questionnaire i'll do it.
unless it's a scantron thing.
pencils make my fingers itch.
just do it, dainon.
play right.

Okay. No questionnaire, though. Too much work.

Well, the world needs more friends, right? Why not?
We are mystery friends to one another ... only you've heard about me whereas I haven't had the pleasure. Do we have common friends that I should know about, or are you just trying to cozy up the the local area DJs?

More stalker mystery garble.

i'm glad that's settled, then.
i'll be in utah in one point five weeks... i don't really like getting to know people via the interweb, so i'll just be in touch when i get out there. as for a dj fetish... i haven't been down with a dj based strictly on his dj-ness since dmitri from dee-lite...
too many d's in that sentence.

I wonder if she knows about my blog, too? A good stalker does her homework, does she not? Well, if she's reading this, I hope she likes the color pink. Anyway, this is gonna be fun, I think. All a part of this summer being The Best Summer Ever! And it will be. I guarantee you that.


Cindy said...

It's me!

Lincoln said...

I'm jealous. I want a stalker.

plainoldsarah said...

ack - she creeps me out. stop it cindy!

becky said...

it will be the best summer ever until YOU'RE KILLED IN YOUR SLEEP

Sarita said...

To stalk or be stalked....

That is the question.

Cindy said...

Dainon, why don't you ever respond to my comments!!!???

aisy said...

um you're either brave or....

let's just say brave. good luck with that one rock pilot.

tim & brandi said...

I think guys are flattered by stalkers, whereas girls are genuinely freaked out by them... I had a stalker once, it wasn't enjoyable.


Dainon said...

Brandi, you speak the truth.

sarahbellum said...

this is just great. there go my summer plans.

bex said...

can you really see yourself with someone unable to take scantron tests?

Cindy said...

I can seeeeee you!

becky said...

i think we should just call her a "secret admirer for now". but later, when we're filling out paperwork with your advocate at the crisis center, we'll change it to "stalker"

f*bomb. said...

Money says you'll fall in love with her and be smug about it.