Thursday, August 09, 2007

On security.

I’m glad that, once in a while, I’m compelled to stop and think about the forces compelling me towards feeling one way or the other. (See? My 20-minute commute is plenty useful!) This week’s been a weird one for varying reasons, but one word I’ve been running through my mind is security.

Case in point: Perhaps you’ve heard about the miners down in southern Utah, the ones that are still trapped and have been for a few days? One of the guys I work with has a cousin amongst those trapped. He’s been on the Today show a couple of times these past couple days, saying what little he’s able to about it. Maybe you’ve seen him? Anyway, his dad designed the mine they’re in and knows all of its ins and its outs. In his 20+ years in the mining industry, nothing like this has ever happened. My friend also says he’s never seen his dad the way he is currently. They’re set to make contact any day now but have said it may be close to a week before it happens.

Though mining is a dangerous profession to choose, it seems to me that, the longer you do something without issue, the safer it feels. Though they knew its dangers, it’s not very likely that they thought about it the day the mine collapsed, trapping them. It was crammed somewhere in the back of their minds. They likely felt pretty secure before heir world came crashing down, quite literally. I can’t seem shake that from my mind, for many reasons. I just hope it’s a situation that is resolved sooner than later.

With that in mind, my worries and confusions and such seem pretty insignificant, but it doesn’t mean they go away. Even more, they’re tied to that whole security notion. Example? For one reason or another, some people I’ve worked with and become friends with are headed down different paths. Such is life. Their decisions to do so are their own, but it still rocks my world some (and not in a good way). A void is left and, to some degree, I end up re-evaluating what I’ve come to know and experience as the way I currently make a living. While I continue to enjoy very much what it is I do, I feel like there is an unexpected emptiness I have to learn how to maneuver around. Comfort level? Lower than it once was. I’ll work on that.

It goes beyond that, still. I suppose there’s this need—desire, yearning, whatever (take your pick)—to be secure that keeps me a single man at 33. I’ve yet to find another person that I feel provides me with enough of a feeling of stability that I’ve decided to, well, attach myself to her. That’s a reality. This has everything in the world to do with me. It’d be nice if there was a quick and fast solution to that, too, but there isn’t. Not that I know of. But at least understanding that is key to whatever will come next. That’s what I believe. Until then, I remain some kind of a career dater. My résume is spotty, but I certainly have a wealth of experience to show for it. Ha.

That ought to do it for now then. Until my commute on the drive home, of course. No telling what that might turn up.


Anonymous said...

Maybe you haven't found a girl who fills you with a feeling of stability because you date girls who are plastic on the outside and on the inside. There are beautiful girls out there on the outside who are just as beautiful on the inside, but you are so focused on fake boobs and blond highlights that the real girls who you could actually connect with are passing you by. Try a change of scenery and see what happens.

Dainon said...

Interesting take, anonymous. It's completely off base and wrong in regards to me, mind you, but I can see how someone interested more in somebody's outside versus their inside would fail to connect with anybody.

Besides, I prefer brunettes.

plainoldsarah said...

so what you're saying is that there could be a big risk out there that you're ignoring in your false sense of security lifestyle. I believe we get comfortable and ignore dangers because we like to think they are too remote. I think it's good to try to live more intentionally and aware. whether in dating or careers. good thinking - thanks for sharing.
anonymous may have a point in his/her phrase about changing scenery. (i did laugh at the idea of you dating plastic boobs.) my girlfriend suggested I try dating people very different from my usual "type". just to see what happens. I haven't been successful with the one sort so maybe the other sort is what I need. i'm being general so I hope you catch my drift. I think there's some truth in it. and I don't mean start dating blondes - but if one happens to come along.... I mean more personality type differences.

Sarita said...

Expanding horizons is always a good thing. As is a good commute to get the brain going.

thefish said...

Security is a great point. I love getting into other peoples heads, to an extent;gaining a new perspective can clarify what I have been thinking and give it more depth.

I have long since talked about finding my best friend and the love of my life, and I don't waiver on that and I am firm knowing it will happen. The dating process, on the other hand, seems to keep this at an odd unattainable enigma. I press forward, regardless.

I have been told I don't let my emotions move forward and that I have a bunch of hoops a man must jump through. I disagree, but I think it goes to the security thing you bring up D. I want to really get to know someone. I want the emotions to develop and not be pushed or forced. I want actions to support words, rather than falling for smoke and mirrors like I once did. In a nut shell, I guess I want to be secure enough with someone, who they are, my feelings for them, their feelings for me, and their ability to commit, give and take, forgive and all that necessary relationship survival stuff beyond the passion and chemistry before I can fully give my heart to another. Is that too much to ask? I would say no.

This secure foundation I am looking for, however, doesn't mean I am looking for perfection. I think there is a fine line, but in the end I have to do my part to find what I am looking for, like putting myself out there and risk getting hurt(a little side note on security, I think we have to be secure enough with ourselves to be able to put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt). Sometimes I think it takes all the heartbreak to learn what it is we should be looking for.

It won't work until it does, so perhaps until then, we have to live with that yuckie lack of security, in regards to relationships and the emptiness of not having someone to share your whole life with.

Marie said...

It's sane to look for someone you feel safe with -- we're designed to do that, and it's wise. But "feel" would be the key word -- people change, and situations change, and while risk minimization is wise in a commitment situation, risk elimiation is impossible. Hence "the plunge." But I know where you're coming from. Maybe your angst could be eased with a little KISN97 on the commute home. Too much thinking is also risky. :)

Cindy said...

Interesting to see that you want someone who makes you feel secure. I always thought guys want someone who makes them feel in charge. Do a lot of guys want security?

bestsariah said...

Anonymous is funny. Maybe the reason you and I didn't get married is because I don't have big boobs.

ewesa said...

I'm learning more and more in relationships you gotta provide as much of what you want as possible and hopefully it'll then be returned, sorta that do unto others thing. so it's good you're focusing on providing security! chicks dig it.
also, sorry to hear about your co-worker, it sounds like they've reached the miners and haven't heard anything from them. not good news for anyone involved.