Thursday, August 28, 2008

He ain't heavy.


Right about now, my little 24-year-old brother is on his way to Seattle to carve out a whole new life for himself. His car is packed with boxes filled with the life he’s had here and, what pieces of himself he couldn’t cram into his trunk and back seats, he put in his girlfriend’s truck. He’s excited. He’s excited for the weeks and months of rain, the good bands that play the small dives on a regular basis, the pretty groov-ay jazz scene, Bumbershoot, Easy Street Records, Dick’s, the promise of a new kind of job that might point him away from the retail world, a budding romance …

Eh, maybe I’m projecting. See, I have felt that Seattle is my kind of place for years now. Each time I return (including the first time I ever landed there), I feel like I am home. I don’t know why, exactly … it’s one of those things that just is. To counter that, I have lived in Salt Lake for almost a decade and I’ve never felt that same sort of warm welcome. Familiarity? Certainly. Belonging? Not so much. If I’d had a promising job to take by the horns and a girl I saw some kind of happy future with, I’d have taken the bait, too. He has every reason in the world to be excited, but those two things? I’d say they’re pretty key.

So … he beat me to the dream I had five years ago. Still, it’s a good one to call his own.

I’m sad to see him go, I am. Part of my heart is plenty heavy. It was good to have him around, even if it meant our time spent together was relegated to the odd family vacation and good tacos on Tuesdays and good concerts and the occasional camping trek and sending smiling cell phone photos from bathroom stalls to one another and stuff of that ilk. Actually, that’s a lot of good stuff right there. Who else would have gone to Fall Out Boy with me for a ten-spot? Nobody is who. (He doesn’t so much bother with this blog, but he deserves a general Thank You nonetheless.)

All that aside, I can’t help but sense a restlessness in him … an anxiousness for his future. I think that’s what I see. It’s hard to compete with that, especially when I just want him around to hang out with. I’m all for growth, whether it’s in myself or my friends or my kin. The push towards progression is more than just admirable … I’d call it wholly necessary.

Some good has already came out of this, though. I learned while we were in a big, busy Panamanian mall that, not too many months ago, during a period we refer to as his “fat time,” he wore the same size jeans as me. Our legs? Same length. So, having worked a couple of retail jobs in the midst of the widening and shrinking of his girth, he acquired plenty of jeans that no longer stayed on very well. He could have around town like Subway Jared on the hunt for a new wardrobe or just pass them my way. Guess who scored eight new pairs of jeans this past Sunday? You bet I did.

I never thought hand-me-downs would become hand-me-ups, but I’m not complaining.




7 comments:

Sherpa said...

Nice post. I always liked the stories about your lil' bro.

Lizbot said...

I'm going to Seattle for my FIRST time tomorrow! I can't believe I haven't been by now. I've been told I will want to move there. I don't doubt that one bit.

Nicole said...

Thanks for your post. I too will miss our little brother. I have felt a sadness ever since I knew he was leaving. He has been on my mind for the last 48 hours quite a bit. I hope he finds what he is looking for out there. Dainon, whether you agree or not, my opinion is, you are where you need to be, for right now. If you up and leave us too, I think I just might go into a deep depression! This is just too hard seeing family members leave! Love ya, Nic

ram said...

Dude. Indianapolis

I'm just sayin'

Mel said...

I'll miss him too, but it's bound to happen in a family of our size. We are to be settled various places methinks. I agree with Nicole, though, don't move away! Depression never feels too great. Oh, and btw, is that your attempt at watching the road in the above picture? Tsk, tsk.

Dainon. said...

My eyes never left the road! It was too scary to look away otherwise. I tried once and nearly flattened an armadillo, true story.

DJ said...

Hey bro-

I never felt so much love as I do now. I'm going to miss bein around for sure too. Just think about coming up here though...you'll have an instant conection to the seattle life :) It'll be fun...I'm going to start up my blog this week so everyone can keep up with whats happing up here...and ps I like the picture that you chose for the header...my 'the suns way to bright for me today' picture... :) love ya bro