Saturday, November 22, 2008

How Can I Tell You.

Remember when this happened not so many days ago? Tonight was the last night I was able to listen to her in the fancy hotel lobby, where I got brave enough to sit a few feet from where she was singing, around the grand piano on high stools with some other like-minded, fascinated friends. I nearly went the whole nine yards, too, talking and joking with her some, buying her "first" album for 50 Ringgit, asking if she'd sign it and even getting my photo taken with her. It's all kinda ridiculous, I know, but I shouldn't get blamed for losing my cool. If anyone is to blame, it's the one we used to call Cat Stevens. When she started to sing "How Can I Tell You" tonight, my stomach dropped and my heart got confused and I was happy and sad and slightly nauseous all at the same time. Was I happy to be sad or sad to be happy? Whatever it was, I loved it. She got deep into the words and feeling of that song and I was forced to stick around for another 90 minutes or so, based what she did. We talked briefly about the song between sets and she seemed equally taken with the tune, noting that it had no chorus. I agreed, talking about its being largely a poem set to music. Genius observation, right? I guess that's the way a lot of songs can go, but still.

Honestly, how can you not be destroyed by words like these?

How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
but I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you, but my words
just blow away, just blow away
It always ends up to one thing, honey
and I can't think of right words to say
Wherever I am girl, I'm always walking with you
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there
Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you
I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that
you can't hear, sad that you can't hear
It always ends up to one thing, honey,
when I look and you're not there
I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you
feel my arms surround you, like a sea around a shore
and – each night and day I pray, in hope
that I might find you, in hope that I might
find you, because hearts can do no more
It always ends up to one thing honey, still I kneel upon the floor
How can I tell you that I love you, I love you
but I can't think of right words to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you ...
It always ends up to one thing honey
and I can't think of right words to say

And so, when I can't sleep at 4 AM because the food I had last night was way, way too rich (lobster and medium rare steak and barely seared salmon ... wow), this is the sort of thing I pull from my memory ... one of the last I had to chew on before falling asleep against my will on my still-made bed, still clothed, the lights still on. I'll think of it again, too, I think, maybe when I try to sleep again. If I try to sleep again. My heart may break a little, too, and there will be absolutely nothing wrong with that.


4 comments:

Crystalbell said...

You described that feeling so eloquently (I know exactly what you are talking about) ... this entry hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Sara said...

That made me sad. Now I'm crying. Thanks for nothing, Dainon.

sir mister landlord sir said...

If I ever feel like I am being a sap for a good love song, I can always remember that you are twice the sap I'll ever be. Or will I be when I'm your age?

Ems said...

yes.